I would have been content
by GojyoLoverForever
Summary: Izuru Kira, Vice Captain of Squad three has a special relationship with his Captain, Ichimaru Gin. This is my first yaoi story, so there is no hard core stuff in here. Still I would appreciate reviews and feedback. Thanks! Rated Mature cuz of gay theme
1. I would have been content

Kira walked back into the small apartment he had in the squad three barracks. Rangiku had just asked hi to join her, Hisagii, Momo and several others for some training out in the north field. Kira had been waiting for his captain, Gin Ichimaru, to return from his daily meeting with Captains Aizen and Tousen. He had finished what little paperwork there was to do that was not sent to Squad 11 and was thinking over what he should do for lunch. Though he didn't know exactly why it had happened, Gin seemed to be spending more and more time with him; not that Kira was complaining, he truly enjoyed the company. He looked up to his captain and admired the man greatly. After taking him on as lieutenant, Gin had always been there when Kira needed someone, and Kira was determined to repay the dept he owed the man. So when Rangiku and the others came by, he had politely declined and went back inside to wait, though inside he felt icy coldness grip his heart as he remember the words his captain had said some time ago concerning those he had called his friends. "_I overheard them the other day on the training field, Izuru. They don't really want you along with them, they just invite you out of obligation and said they prefer you wouldn't join them. You need not feel bad about it though, you are so much better than they are Izuru, you are above them in so many ways- even if it is not in your strength alone. Don't waste your time with the likes of them."_ So he hadn't- ever since that day, Izuru had been distancing himself farther and farther from those he had one time called his closest friends. So now he was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for his captain to return from 'important' business.

The soft scrape of the sandals could be heard outside as Kira sat there on the bed, his head in his hands. The door to the room slowly slid open and Gin walked through the archway, his face creased in the familiar smile.

"Oh, hello Kira." Gin tilted his head to the side slightly when Kira didn't answer. "What, no hello?"

Kira looked up at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Oh, captain, I'm sorry I didn't hear you come in" Kira said as he stood and bowed slightly.

"Now ,now Izuru, none of that," Gin said as he walked over and gently touched Kira's shoulder, a slight grin spread across Kira's face as he stood again.

"The meeting go well?" Kira asked as he glanced out the window where Momo and the others still training.

"Hmm, oh the meeting… Yes, it went well."

Gin turned and made his way to the desk that was set against the wall of his room and sluipped off the pack that was slung around his shoulder. Carefully he set it on the desk and ran his hand through his silvery hair. Aizen had entrusted Gin to turn Kira away from his friends, making it so that Kira would only rely on Gin for information or support. The quicker Kira isolated himself from others, the better; things were going just as they had planned. Aizen and Gin had separated Renji, Momo and Kira several years ago, sending Momo to Squad 5, Renji to Squad 6 and keeping Kira in Squad 3. Renji had broken ties with Kira soon after their placements into their new squads, which caused Kira to turn to Momo and surprisingly, to Rangiku for friendship. Rangiku and Kira quickly became drinking buddies with Hisagi, the lieutenant of Squad 9. Hisagi would be another problem. He was a lot like Renji. Strong personality, believes in himself and extremely intelligent but it would be easy for Tousen to deal with his lieutenant. For some strange reason, despite the differences in the lieutenant's personalities, the four of them were tight. Tousen had Hisagi under control for the most part, Kira was coming under his own control nicely and Momo was so enthralled in her Captain that she would never doubt a word he said; yes, Gin new things were coming together nicely.

"What did you do while I was gone, Kira?"

Kira shook his head as he turned from the window.

"Nothing much... Captain. I... ummmm... Rangiku and Hisagi came by. They are outside training right now."

"And you didn't join them?" Gin asked as he looked sideways at Kira, closely watching his reaction.

"No... I, I don't want to go today... I don't... need to be with them" Kira said quietly as Gin grinned big, his back still to Kira.

"Well you are right there Kira." Gin turned and walked up behind Kira and looked out the window with him at the other lieutenants training.

"I had always thought they were my friends, that they would always be there when I needed them..." Kira's voice trailed off .

"You have grown wiser since then Izuru, you now know better. You know that I am the only one who won't leave or turn my back on you."

Gin came close to the blonde man and stood behind him as they looked out the window. Hisagi and Rangiku were busy sparring with each other while Momo and Renji were sitting under a nearby tree, watching and taking. It was quit the beautiful day, the sun was shinning and bird were singing in the nearby cherry tree.

"Soul Society is a strange place, isn't it Kira?" Gin could have sworn Rangiku looked straight at him, but he wasn't sure. What a waste. Soon, she'll be dead, just like the rest of them. "You think you know someone so well, but when it comes right down to it, you're easily deceived."

Kira nodded slowly as he looked out at his friends. His captain was right. He was being deceived. At least when Renji had moved to Squad 6, he had the guts to come and talk to Kira, face to face and explain why he couldn't talk to Kira anymore. He tried to explain to Kira that now that they were in different squads they wouldn't see each other as often. As much as it hurt Kira, he was glad Renji had told him- Momo however was too excited about being in squad 5 with Captain Aizen to really give Kira much thought. That had been years ago, but Kira still remembered how much it hurt, and he had finally broke down and told Gin about it one day. Since then, he was slowly starting to accept that things change, people change, and sometimes friendships change and fade. Momo gave a little wave to them from under the tree, recognizing Kira's light blonde hair from a distance. Gin sighed.

"Sometimes, old friends become new enemies."

Kira turned and faced his captain, his eyes wide with a mix of sadness an confusion.

But just... because I'm not as close to them... that doesn't mean they are my enemies... does it?"

"Sometimes it does. Sadly that happens at times, Izuru. You know what I have told you before. Soul Society has fallen from the glory she once had. Yamamoto isn't fit to oversee us anymore- and its had an effect on everyone- from the captains to the lieutenants. Friends have turned on friends, betraying their trust. You know it as well as I do. Little Momo use to be one of your closest friends, yet over the years, she has lost all space for you in her life. Hisagi and Rangiku have grown closer, also shutting you out of their lives. Friends are so fickle, Izuru. They turn on you and betray you. Its important to remember who it is you can really trust. And if a lieutenant cannot trust his captain, who then can he trust?"

Kira nodded slowly as he turned from the window and faced Gin. Dropping to his knee he looked down at the floor as he spoke.

"I will follow my captain- even unto death. That is the oath I took and I still hold to that... Captain."

Gin grinned as he reached out a hand and laid it on Kira's head gently, almost lovingly.

"And you have my gratitude Izuru; you shall be rewarded for your loyalties in the end."

"_My… my… my…"_ Gin thought to himself. "_This is going to be easier than I thought. Kira is so desperate for friendship, love, and understanding, and this is just what I need, a person who would do anything I ask of him."_

"Kira, please stand up. You're embarrassing me with such a show of loyalty."

Taking Kira's hands in his, Gin helped him rise from the kneeling position. Gin stood there, Kira's hand in his for a moment as the two looked at each other. This was the perfect time to put Aizen's plan into motion. In one of the rare moments, Gin's eyes came into view as he looked fully at Kira.

"Kira, would you be so kind to do me a favor?"

"Anything, sir."

"Would you help me change out of this uniform and into a yukata?"

Kira stood and looked at Gin for a moment, something like a mix of surprise mixed with a slight smile came over his face.

"Of course, Captain" he said softly.

Gin turned slowly, taking a glance over his shoulder at Kira as he slipped off the captain's haori and started to undo the sash that held the black shinigami robe. A wicked grin passed over his face; it was like pulling the strings of a marionette. Kira was his fully and completely, and all he had to do now was keep it that way until the time was right for Aizen to put the final step of their plan into action. Kira took the haori and carefully folded it and brought over a clean, simple grey yukata.

"Captain.."

"Yes Kira? What is it my boy?"

" N.. nothing..." Kira said as his voice trailed off.

"Kira, do not be afraid to talk to me- speak what is on your mind."

"Its just... you've seemed rather troubled lately and I... I was wondering if everything was alright. You've been meeting with Captain Aizen and sometimes Captain Tousen almost every day..." Kira stopped as he handed the yukata to Gin, their hands brushing slightly, causing a slight shiver to run up Kira's spine. "I was just worried that…."

"You were worried that I was thinking about transferring you to a different squad weren't you, Izuru?"

Kira hung his head and nodded slowly.

"Izuru, you think too much. I chose you as my lieutenant because you have something that very few others do- and that is loyalty. You have a strength that many others are lacking, though it is not of the physical nature it is still very important, and Soul Society could do with a good deal more of it in our ranks. Do not worry yourself my Little Kira. You will never leave this squad unless it is by your own choice and of your own free will."

"Thank you, Captain Ichimaru."

Gin smiled as he took the yutaka and turned his back to Kira, letting the black silky shinigami robe slide down his back. Kira felt something inside him as his breath caught in his throat. Why was he doing this? Why was he reacting this way? It wasn't like he hadn't seen naked men before. He saw them every day in the showers of Squad 3's barracks. So why was the sight of his captain, stripped nude, affecting him the way it was? Kira felt his face get hot as Gin turned slightly and looked at him over his shoulder and grinned slightly, and he knew his cheeks were red from the heat. This was different… it was like his captain was trying to seduce him, and Kira could not deny that he was affected by it.

Gin pulled the yutaka on and looked at Kira for a long moment and then took one final step towards his vice captain. It happened so fast, before Kira really knew what had happened he felt his captain's lips against his own- a mix of soft gentleness and power, it made him shiver in fear yet also made him long for more… and he felt an emptiness inside when Gin stepped away from him, those blood red eyes looking at him.

That had been a week ago, and Kira had spent every spare moment he could at Gin's side- which did not go unnoticed by his neglected friends. Rangiku wandered around Captain Hitsugaya's office for what seemed like the tenth time in less than an hour. Her captain was out on a mission with Captain Ukitake and Captain Zaraki so there was currently no paperwork for her to finish. That would all come later, after the mission. Dropping down on the couch, Rangiku considered taking a nap. Shifting this way and that way on the lumpy couch, she just couldn't get comfortable. Sighing loudly, her voice echoing in the empty room, Rangiku gave up on getting comfortable on the couch and got to her feet once again. Maybe a nice long walk would pull her out of this strange mood she was in. Her Zanpakuto at her side, Rangiku left the office and started down a familiar path, her belly clenching in worry. There in the distance, she could see Kira and his captain, Gin Ichimaru. Gin was the last person she wanted to see but the thought of spending time with Kira pushed all those worries aside.

Gin's face was half turned to her and she could see that his eyes were slightly open. Strange. She'd only seen those red eyes opened one other time. It had been the first time she'd met him, out in the vast wasteland in the poorest section of the Rukongai district and he had found her passed out from hunger. Those eyes were the first things she'd seen once she'd regained consciousness. A sly smile crossed Gin's face and Rangiku's mood grew strange again. Turning away from her, Gin spoke to Kira, drawing Kira's attention towards Rangiku. A flutter of worry lay heavy in her stomach as she came closer to Kira. Once, he'd been such a good friend, open and happy to be with all of the other lieutenants but now...Rangiku couldn't quite put her finger on what happened to change Kira so much.

"Kira! Hello!" She waved to get his attention.

Kira turned slightly and looked in Rangiku's direction as she approached and she wasn't sure but it was almost like she saw a flicker of annoyance pass over the lieutenant's face as he saw her.

"This is three days in a row now" he muttered under his breath to Gin. "Three days she has asked and three days I have said no, and yet she keeps on asking."

Gin smiled and laughed slightly as he took a step towards Kira, his back to Rangiku for a moment.

"Why don't you go Izuru? might do you some good."

Kira was about to say something when Rangiku called out to him again. Turning away from his captain slightly he smiled politely at her.

"Hello Matsumoto" he said with a slight bow.

"Izuru... I..." her eyes met Gins and she had to tear them away. "I was wondering if... you would like to join me for some sake. We use to all the time... before. Remember? Its been ages it seems since we have spent any time together..." her voice trailed off as she felt Gin's eyes boring into her.

Why was she so un nerved? Was it because seeing Gin with his eyes open? Or was it because of the inexplicable fear she felt growing inside her when she thought of her long time friend and what was happening to him. Rangiku stood there still and silent for a moment as she looked at Kira. He was so different. He had always been somewhat timid and a little on the shy side at the academy but he had gotten so much better after they graduated and was a wonderful lieutenant- one any of the captains would have been grateful for. For years they had been friends and confided secrets to each other and enjoyed each other's friendships. But lately, Kira had changed... he was spending more and more time with his captain, even outside of normal lieutenant duties, and it was like he was shutting out everyone else.

"I... I've missed you Izuru, that's all" she whispered softly.

"Yes, well, I've been busy with my duties as lieutenant for the past few months." His voice was cold and somewhat harsh, taking Rangiku aback a bit. Pushing her red hair out of her eyes, Rangiku turned her attention to Gin.

"Hello, Captain Ichimaru." Those harsh red eyes closed.

"Captain Ichimaru? Why Rangiku, there's no need to be so formal." He bowed and then straightened up. "What brings us the honor of your presence?" Smiling, he waited for Rangiku to speak.

"Captain Hitsugaya is out on a mission and I'm all caught up with my paperwork. I thought I'd take a walk and then I spotted Kira and even though he's turned me down three days in a row," Rangiku gave Kira a mock frown. "I thought I'd try just one more time."

Gin turned to Kira. "Why, Kira. Turning this lovely lady down three days in a row? My, my, my. Surely I'm not working you that hard that you feel the need to stay by my side every minute of the day?"

Kira turned and looked at his captain. There it was again... that tone in the voice, that smile, that look in those half opened eyes. What was it about this man that made him feel the way he did?

"That's easy" he said to himself "he's the only one who really understands me" Kira turned and looked at Rangiku as a thought crossed his mind. "She use to be your closest friend. Izuru" he thought to himself. "You told her things you trusted no one else with..." "But that was then and things have changed" he thought shaking his head slightly as he managed a smile and laughed slightly.

"Of course not Captain," he said with a slight bow. "I just wanted to make sure I wan not neglecting any of my responsibilities to my squad... or to my captain..." he spoke the last few words in a lower tone as he looked at his captain.

Gin took Kira by the arm and turned his back to Rangiku as he pulled Kira close.

"Excuse us just a minute my dear" he said with a grin over his shoulder.

"Kira... you cannot stay with me every waking moment... even as much as you may want to" he said holding a finger up to his lips, silencing Kira's protest. "Go with her. This might be the best time to see where her loyalties truly lie" he said as he laid his finger against Kira's lips softly. "See if she can still be trusted" he whispered as he leaned in closer to Kira.

She could hear their voices but couldn't make out what Gin and Kira were talking about. With Gin having his back to her, all Rangiku could do was watch the play of emotions as they crossed Kira's face. Just what was going on with these two men? It wasn't as if their personalities were alike and this was the reason they seemed to be so much closer lately. Gin's finger lay softly against Kira's lips, silencing whatever the blonde man had been about to say.

"Rangiku seems loyal to Captain Hitsugaya but surely she can see how Soul Society has fallen to the place where it is now." Gin leaned closer to Kira's face. "Maybe she's only loyal to him on the surface. As one of her closest friends, my Little Kira, you are the one who can get her to open up and reveal her true feelings."

"But, Captain..."

With his lips only a whisper away from Kira's cheek, Kira could feel the rush of breath against his skin as his Captain spoke to him.

"This is not an order, Kira." A brush of skin against his skin. "I'm asking as a...friend." Kira felt his heart race as Gin's lips moved softly and quickly over the corner of his mouth. Kira felt his face grow hot and fought it back as Gin smiled, that same convincing smile and turned back to Rangiku.

"Well well now, I think I have some paperwork waiting for me among other things. Kira…" he said as he turned and looked at Izuru, who had been silent up till this point, "have fun" he said with a quick wink.

Kira bowed slightly as he watched his captain leave. He stared after him for a long moment, almost forgetting Rangiku. When he finally turned to her, she had a confused look on her face.

"What... what was he talking to you about, Kira?"

"Nothing... just Squad Three stuff" Kira muttered as he walked past her. "So we going or not?"

Kira's insides were in knots and his mind was racing with what had just happened. He could sense Rangiku's eyes on him all too clearly as they walked. When finally they stopped, at their usual spot under the large cherry tree, they sat down, the flask of Sake between them.

Rangiku was silent as she poured the glasses and handed one to Kira.

"So, how are things going with squad three?" she asked, her voice soft as she looked up at Kira hesitantly.

"Things have been calm, despite the problems that seem to be plaguing Soul Soceity at an alarming rate."

Rangiku let out an involuntary shudder- Kira was even starting to talk like Ichimaru. She fell silent as she took a sip of the sake and let her eyes drift over the empty field that surrounded them. Normaly they would have had a large group there with them, but Rangiku wanted to be alone with Kira, to talk to him.

As silence settled over them, Izuru realized just how long it had been since he had spent time with Rangiku and the others. Many afternoons they had spent there under that same tree- sometimes being joined by Hisagi, Renji, or even Ikkau and Asewayge would join them from time to time and enjoy drinks. He didn't know why things had changed… well that wasn't entirely true, things had changed because of Gin. Gin Ichimaru, his captain and behind close doors when it was just the two of them, the one person he turned to for comfort., he was the one Izuru looked up to. He was the one Izuru wanted to be with. He was the one Izuru looked up to. He was the one Izuru loved.

It had started out innocent enough, but over time, Izuru could no longer deny the feelings he had towards his captain. Had that been it, feelings and foolish imaginings, things might not have changed at all. However, that was not the case. Much to his surprise, his captain seemed to return the feelings, at least in part. Izuru felt a slight blush creep over his cheeks as he thought back to a few days ago. They had been in Gin's study finishing up some paperwork when it had happened.


	2. to stay with you

_Kira was standing at the desk stacking the last of the papers together as his captain reshelf the various books that had accumulated around the study. They had talked while they worked about everything and anything. That was what Kira liked about Gin, he could be himself around his captain, he could ask the questions he feared asking anyone else, and he didn't have to worry about being judged or ridiculed. His captain understood him in ways no one else ever could and he was grateful for that._

_The day had gone by relatively fast, and in what seemed like only a matter of hours, the paperwork was done, the study was cleaned and they were getting ready to leave. As he stood there stacking the last of the papers together, Izuru heard Gin walking up behind him._

"_Everything is filed away, captain" he said over his shoulder._

"_Izuru, I've told you before, when we are alone, you can call me Gin."_

_Izuru turned back to the papers in his hands, his face flushing red as Gin stepped closer._

"_Where do you want the papers filed away.. Cap… Gin?" Kira said softly._

"_You can leave them on the desk…Izuru" Gin whispered as he stood right behind his lieutenant, his hands resting lightly on his shoulders as he looked over Izuru's shoulder._

"_Gin…" Izuru said softly as he tried to pull back slightly._

"_What's wrong?" Gin said softly as he leaned his head in closer to Kira's ear. "Its alright… there's no one else around, it's just the two of us here, my Little Kira."_

_That familiar shiver ran up his spine as Gin's breath tickled his skin, the same shiver he had felt that first day he had felt those fingers trace over his arm. The same shiver he had felt just a few days ago as he watched his captain disrobe. Gin leaned closer as he softly spoke Kira's name, and moved around slightly and stood in front of him._

"_Do you fear me, Izuru?"_

"_What? No, of course not, Gin… how could I?" Kira said, eyes wide in shock. "You are the only one I trust!"_

"_I am flattered, Izuru… but how deep does that loyalty go? How far would you go to prove your loyalty, and love, to me?"_

_Gin looked at Kira as his fingers gently traced over the young man's cheek._

"_I would do whatever you would ask of me, Captain," Kira said softly as he looked up at Gin._

"_If I asked you to have nothing to do with the other squads?"_

"_I would stay by your side alone."_

"_If I asked you to get information from one of the captains?"_

"_I would do it at once, Captain."_

"_If I asked you to abandon those you call friends?"_

"_I would look to you and only you, Gin."_

_Gin smiled as he stepped closer, his hand sliding behind Kira's neck as he leaned towards him, his head almost touching his._

"_And that is why you are my Little Kira."_

"_Gin…" Kira whispered as he closed his eyes._

"_I do have something to ask of you, Izuru. Rangiku… you and her have been friends since Aizen-sama and I found you in the academy. I need you to find out something for me. I need you to find out how far her loyalties go. Will you do that for me, my Little Kira?"_

"_Of course… course I will... Gin," Kira said softly. _

_The next moment, Kira knew he would remember forever, that moment as his captain's lips brushed against his softly. Kira pulled back slightly in surprise but his captain's hand behind his neck held him still. Speaking his name softly, Gin kissed him again, and this time Kira did not pull away. He tasted sweet… like, Kira didn't know exactly what, but he knew he tasted at least in part like the glass of sake he had seen Gin drinking a earlier as they talked. The kiss was simple, yet to Kira it held more importance than any event at that time. Could he dare to believe that his captain, the man he idolized as a god, did he dare to hope that he would have the same feelings for someone like him? _

"_Gin…"_

"_Shhhh, Izuru," he said, as he laid a finger on his lips softly, silencing him. _

_Kira felt the arms he had imagined holding him slowly wrap around him as his captain embraced him, pulling his head to his shoulder. Timidly, Kira slowly inched his hands up till they were resting on the shoulders of his captain. With his head lightly against Gin's chest Izuru felt wave after wave of emotion wash over him as they stood there… not caring about the world that was passing by just outside those doors… _

Kira now sat under the cherry tree, his mind far away from where he and Rangiku were sitting. The cup of sake remained untouched in his hand as he sat there. Rangiku had already finished her second one when she looked at Izuru. He really was acting odd lately, and the way he was reacting to being with her really bothered her- they use to be so close. Kira would confide in her when they were going through the academy. It was her he confessed the slight crush he had on little Momo when they had first joined the academy. Though she was a good deal older than Izuru, having graduated the same time as Gin and Aizen, they had always been good friends. But all that was changing lately. It seemed that more and more often Kira had no room for anyone else in his life except for his Captain, Gin Ichimaru. Gin... Rangiku had her own troubling memories of the man, but she had gotten over them, for the most part- or at least that was what she kept telling herself. She sat there and looked at her friend, his eyes distant and empty. What was Gin doing to the boy? The way they had talked just a little while ago... there was something strange about it, and she was both troubled and worried about it.

"Kira..." she said as she faced him again. "Kira!"

Kira blinked his eyes a few times and stared at Rangiku. It was like he'd almost forgotten that she was even there. The gently hint of a kiss Gin had given him a few minutes ago had made him think back to that time at the office and he had become totally lost in that memory.

"Oh, I'm sorry Rangiku. I guess I got caught up in my thoughts. What were you saying again?" She gave him a wry smile.

"I asked how you have been in the last few weeks."

She took another sip of her sake. Kira seemed to realize that he'd not even touched his sake and took a sip of the strong drink.

"I'm fine," he said simply as silence hung between them for a minute or two.

"That's it? You're fine. I don't see you in almost a month and that's all you have to say, I'm fine?" Rangiku raised her one eyebrow at her good friend. "You've been so busy with squad three duties lately. What's going on over there?"

Kira adverted his eyes and stared down at the sake cup as he took another longer drink from it, trying to avoid the subject.

"You know... usual stuff. Paperwork, keeping things under control... G...Captain Ichimaru has put me in charge of helping to train the new additions to squad 3."

"Congratulations Izuru, I know you have had several new graduates."

"It's been a challenge, but it is part of my duty as vice captain."

Rangiku nodded as she poured herself and Kira another cup of sake.

"You know how training goes, Rangiku. We have a few who can't even handle their hell butterflies." Kira let out a little laugh but it sounded strained to her ears. Taking another sip of sake, Kira wondered how long before he could bring up the real reason he was here with Rangiku, asking where her loyalties lay.

"There is a lot of responsibility that goes into being a vice captain isn't there? Takes so much out of your daily schedule and seems to steal away all your time." Rangiku laughed as she emptied the cup "Its almost like being in a relationship with them!"

Rangiku gave Kira a strange look. It was as if he'd deliberately ignored her last words. A mischievous smile crossed Rangiku's beautiful face. Maybe she should just see if he really is listening to her.

"So, what it's like, being almost married to him?"

Kira shrugged his shoulders slightly as he sipped the sake and a strong wind blew more cherry blossoms down around them.

"The relationship between vice captain and their captain is meant to be a close one. Sure there are struggles that come with it, but that's not always a bad thing with Gin..." Kira realized his slip up and scrambled to cover it "I mean Captain Ichimaru."

He saw the look Rangiku gave him as she stared at him, the sake momentarily forgotten. Sure there were stories of captains and their vice captains who had become exceptionally close- Rangiku thought of the way Momo idolized Captain Aizen. Relationships like that were natural, they were meant to trust each other with their lives. She thought about her relationship with Captain Hitsugya- the respect and admiration she had for her captain. But Kira... it was different with him. He used his captain's first name, something that was unheard of in the courts. Sure that Kira was hiding something from her, Rangiku pushed a little more.

"Gin, is it?" Uncrossing her legs, she shifted a bit so she could see Kira's face better. "The only other lieutenant to call their captain by his first name is Yachiru. I can see why, she considers Captain Zaraki her father. But, Captain Ichimaru..." Rangiku looked off into the distance. "He never struck me as the type to let people get close to him. We were pretty close when we were younger. I called him Gin when we were in the academy together but once he made Captain, I was no longer allowed to call him by his first name."

"Maybe you're not as close to him as you think." A strange tone rang out in Kira's voice. "After all, I was chosen to be his lieutenant, not you."

Kira looked at her through the golden locks that fell in his face.

"Captain Ichimaru knows my loyalty to him. He knows I would do anything for him, and he has rewarded that hard work and dedication. He chose me to be vice captain of squad three- just a year after being assigned to the squad. He chose me, Rangiku, not you. He didn't chose the one he went through the academy with, he didn't chose the one he had known the longest, he chose me. He chose me because he knows I am loyal."

"Are you saying that I am not loyal to Captain Hitsugya or to the rest of the Goeti 13?" Her voice was tight with surprise and insult as she stared at Kira. He turned his head slightly and looked at her, is eyes cold.

"You tell me Rangiku. Do you follow your captains every will and wish? How do you know what the real truth is? How can you know what is right and wrong? Depend on others and they will deceive you. You have to choose for yourself who you will believe, and I believe my captain above all others. Above the words of any other captain, Ichimaru's words are truth, and I will follow them without question." Kira laughed softly as he turned his head away from Rangiku. "You couldn't possibly understand what its like."

Rangiku sat stunned. This wasn't the Kira she'd known for all these years. The Kira she knew was kind and gentle with no harsh words for anyone. Sure, he seemed to be stand offish but once you got to know him, one could see all these good qualities. But wait...did he just say that Ichimaru's words were the truth and he was above all other captains?

"Kira, how much do you really know about Gin? Yes, he's a good captain but there is a side to him that not many other people get to see."

Kira face remained cold and unreadable.

"I've known him for many, many years and there is one thing about him that bothers me more than anything else about him. He won't let anyone get to know the real him. Gin hides behind that false smile and those closed eyes." Rangiku laid her hand on Kira's arm. "I just don't want to see you hurt."

Kira yanked his arm away from her as he started to stand.

"Be quiet Rangiku! Dont talk about him that way!" Kira stood and for the first time since she had known the blond haired man, Rangiku could say that she saw true anger in his eyes. "You don't know what it's like Rangiku. To be alone for so long, to know that even those you had counted as friends were really only putting up with you out of obligation or sympathy. You don't know what its like to be alone for so long and then to finally find someone who understands you... someone you can be yourself around... someone who accepts you as you are, only to have that questioned by everyone around you!" Kira looked down at Rangiku and sneered. "You could never understand someone like Gin."

"Never understand someone like Gin? I've known Gin far longer than you have, Izuru!"

How dare he! Did Kira think he was the only person who had trouble fitting in? Try having a body like this and try to make friends with the other females in the court guards. She worked damn hard to get where she was, Kira wasn't the only one to know what it was like to struggle to be accepted by others.

"Kira, half your problem is you don't even try to make friends! You stand and wait for people to approach you, not the other way around. Instead of coming off shy, you come off arrogant!"

"I don't know you anymore Rangiku-san," Kira said coldly as he turned his back on Rangiku and started back towards Squad three barracks.

"Kira! Izuru!"

He ignored her as he walked off, climbing the stairs and entering the squad three barracks. Through the slight opening as the door closed Rangiku saw the familiar silver hair of Gin.

There it was… that smile. Same smile he had shown her years ago. Rangiku hated and despised that smile anymore. With a heavy sigh she turned and gathered up the sake bottle and cups and started back towards squad 10 barracks, her mind reeling, her hear heavy, and an uneasy feeling settling over her as she thought about Kira and Gin.

When he had gotten inside, Kira hurried past his captain bowing slightly as he pushed by. Entering the small room that served as his sleeping chambers, Kira closed the door and leaned back against the wall, biting his lower lip. It couldn't be true. It couldn't be. Gin would never lie to him. He wouldn't use him. Rangiku had to be lying… but, it was almost as hard for him to believe that she would lie to him. Feeling confused and hurt Kira made his way to the bed and fell down onto it and curled up, wishing he could escaped the voice and the shouting match that was going on in his head.

Sometime later, the door opened slowly. Kira still lay on the bed, seemingly asleep yet still wide awake. He heard the familiar sound of sandals on the wooden floor. The steps stopped and silence hung in the room for a moment and then he heard it, the soft voice, the voice that seemed to melt all fear and doubt. But even that voice could not totally break through the icy coldness Kira felt inside.

"Izuru… what's the matter?" Gin asked as he stood by the bed, kira laying, with his back to him.

Kira didn't care if he was disrespecting his captain, he didn't feel like moving, but Gin didn't seem to mind as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You can tell me Izuru, what happened with Rangiku?"

Gin reached out and gently placed his hand on Kira's shoulder. Kira pulled away slightly as he tried to curl up in an even tighter ball. Gin sat in silence a moment and then sighed.

"Izuru… my Little Kira… what's the matter? You know you can talk to me. What did Rangiku say?"

"She… she said that you…" Kira swallowed hard around the lump that had formed in his throat. "… you were lying to me."

"And do you believe her?" Gin asked simply.

Kira stirred and slowly turned over and looked up at his captain.

"No… I don't want to believe her…"

"Then don't… don't believe anything other than what you feel in your heart, Izuru," Gin said as he smiled, his eyes opening ever so slightly as he looked down at his lieutenant.

"I want to believe you… Captain. I want to believe you… Gin."

"Have I ever given you reason to bout me, Izuru?"

"No…"

"When you were alone among the squads who took you in?"

"You did, Captain."

"Who chose you to be their lieutenant above all the others?"

"You did."

"Who is it who loves and accepts you as you are, Izuru?"

"You do… Gin."

"Then let's not have any more talk of lies and deception."

Gin looked at Kira who was now sitting up, looking at Gin with big ice blue eyes as he smiled.

"Gin…" Kira said softly as he closed his eyes, feeling Gin's touch on his face.

If anyone had opened the door to Gin's barracks they would have been met by the following sight: Captain Ichimaru Gin of Squad three was laying in the bed, his white captain's haoir draped over the nearby chair, his black shinigami robes open down to the white sash which was tied around his waist. Beside him was his lieutenant Izuru Kira, curled up, his head on his captain's chest, a soft smile on his face as he drifted to sleep.

"Gin… I'm sorry I doubted you…"

"shhhh.. don't think on that anymore Izuru."

Kira smiled as he closed his eyes once more and fell asleep, feeling his captain's arm around his shoulders and hearing his voice in his ears, melting away all fear and doubt.


	3. for all eternity

How short a time ago that had been, merely a few days, yet in that time Kira's world had been turned inside out and upside down. The ryoka had invaded the sereite to stop Rukia Kuchiki's execution. Captain Aizen had been murdered and Momo had attacked his captain. Kira shuddered involuntarily as he thought back to that fight, he didn't want to fight her, not Momo… but Gin was his captain and he could not let anyone draw a blade against his captain. That fight had cost him. Kira's mind drifted back to that time he spent in the cell, those thoughts that were running through his head, the fear and doubt that crept into his heart… But it all faded away when he arrived. Gin, his captain and so much more, all fear and doubt melted away when he spoke. Closing his eyes, Kira could still see it, looking up through those iron bars, Gin standing there smiling, his hand held out to him through the bars. A moment of hesitation on Kira's part, and then he stood taking his captain's hand and was soon following him back to squad three barracks. The chain of events that followed were still a blur to Kira as he tried to make sense of it all and tried to convince himself it was all lies.

The ryoka had managed to rescue Rukia and save her from the execution with the help of Lieutenant Abarai Renji. Gin had ordered him to keep Rangiku away while he put the final parts of his plan into action. Kira had done so to the best he was able. Even now, he could still hear her words in his ears, that one question she half asked half yelled at him.

"Why Izuru!? Why?"

"Because he is my captain."

Kira sank to his knees, his trembling legs no longer able to hold him up. Isane Kotetsu had just made the announcement, the announcement that forever shattered the dream world Kira realized he had been living in. Captains Aizen, Tousen, and Ichimaru… were traitors? It couldn't be. Aizen had killed Momo? No, it couldn't be, he swore he wouldn't let Aizen hurt anyone. Kira knelt there outside the squad three barracks as silent tears of fear, anger, and betrayal filled his eyes. Just then, his captain's voice echoed in his ears once more.

"Izuru… before this is all over, they will say things about me. Some true and some false. It is up to you, my Litty Kira, to determine for yourself which you will believe and which you will reject."

Kira could still feel the gentle touch as Gin laid his hand on the top of his head, those red eyes looking into his.

"If at the end of this, I still have your loyalty Izuru, meet me at the execution hill and come with me."

Kira stood, his hand gripping Wabisuke as he turned and started running towards the hill. As he approached he could see Aizen, Tousen, Abarai, Rukia, and the ruoka boy there… and thre was Gin, off to the side scanning the area as if he was looking for something. Running closer, Kira could now hear what they were saying as he stopped underneath one of the nearby trees.

Gin's eyes meet Kira's for a moment. Just then, the orange haired ryoka boy attacked Captain Aizen. He didn't stand a chance though, Aizen easily blocked the blow with minimal effort. Gin turned away from Izuru and spoke.

"My fault, Aizen-san. You said not to interfere so I let the boy pass."

Kira saw a quick gleam in his captain's eyes as he watched the events unfold before him. From behind the tree we watched, still and silent, waiting for his captain to call him.

"Gin!"

Kira turned his head with a sharp jerk at the familiar voice. There, running up behind him, was Rangiku and several other of the captains and lieutenants. For a split second his and Rangiku's eyes meet and Kira swore he saw a look of sadness and betrayal in them as she ran by.

"Rangiku! No!" Kira cried out as he ran a few steps away from his hiding place.

He stood there, lost and forgotten by everyone as he watched. Rangiku ran up behind Gin and grabbing his wrist, held her blade at his throat. Kira could have sworn he saw her lips trembling slightly. SoiFon and Yourichi held Captain Aizen while his old school mate Hisagi restrained his onw captain, Tousen.

Aizen started to laugh and as everyone's attention was drawn to him, three beams of strange golden light shot down from the sky, enveloping the three captains. SoiFon, Yourichi, Hisagi, and Rangiku all jumped back just in time. Everyone's attention was focused on Aizen and the others as they ascended into the sky with the help of the hollows, and the full extent of the betrayal was realized.

Gin gazed down at his fellow shinigami, and he saw Rangiku standing there gazing up at him, a single tear of betrayal in her eye. Behind her, at the edge of the clearing and lost to everyone there, was his lieutenant. Kira sank to his knees in disbelief. No, it wasn't suppose to happen like this… not like this. 

"Pity you couldn't have held on a little longer… I would like to have stayed your prisoner for a while longer."

His eyes looking past Rangiku and locking Kira's, with those words, Gin disappeared along with Aizen and Tousen as the rip in the sky over soul society closed and all trace of the captains was lost.

Two voices sounded at the same time, calling out the same name- each so loud they could only hear themselves, as the lieutenant and childhood friend were forced to face the truth of Gin Ichimaru.

It had been weeks since the betrayal, weeks since his world had been turned upside down, and weeks since he had talked to anyone outside his own squad. All of the sereitie was in turmoil and confusion. Three captains were gone; three squads, including his, now struggled to continue on without the men who had been their leaders and captains for so many years.

There was talk of who would be the replacements for the captains. Shuhei Hisagi was of course the obvious choice for Squad 9's new captain. Squad 5 had enough troubles trying to tend to Momo to be worried about a replacement for Aizen. And Squad 3… well his squad was a wreck. Naturally, everyone looked to him as lieutenant to step in now. Izuru wanted to, he wanted to be able to help, but he was too torn and broken by his own thoughts and emotions to do much good.

"Ever since I became a shinigami, what good have I done? Have I not had one thought that was for myself or of my own design? Was everything I have done a lie?" Those questions haunted him every moment- whether awake or asleep.

So it was that he had not left the squad three barracks in close to three weeks. When he finally left the seclusion of the barracks, there was one place and one place alone on his mind. A short time later, he was standing outside squad 10 barracks, speaking with Captain Hitsugaya. A short time later he was walking into the Captain's study. There sitting quietly in a chair by the window, lost in thought was Rangiku.

"She's taken it almost as bad as you have, Kira," Hitsugaya said.

Matsumoto turned her head quickly, hearing her captain's voice.

"Captain, you startled me!" she exclaimed.

Hitsugaya rolled his eyes as he nudged his head back towards where Kira was standing in the doorway.

"Someone wants to see you."

Rangiku turned and looked past her captain to the blonde haired shinigami standing in the doorway. His head was down, his eyes cast to the floor, and he looked awful.

Rangiku smiled sadly as she stood, bowing slightly to her captain in thanks.

"Kira…" she said softly.

"Matsumoto…" Kira whispered softly.

Reaching out and putting a hand on her friend's shoulder Rangiku smiled.

"Let's have a drink Kira."

Looking up through the golden locks that fell in face, Izuru saw a genuine smile, and he suddenly remember just how much he had trusted Rangiku in the past. 

Nodding slightly they sat down together, and for the first time in way too long, they talked with each other – honestly.


End file.
